Fatherhood

A true father must die if he is to give life to his wife and children. He must be willing to sacrifice; to lay down his life for his family. To provide, to protect, to teach, and to witness are necessary responsibilities of fatherhood, but they are not enough.
A true father is called to put on “the mind of Christ” and be a living model of love, truth, and holiness. A true father is called to be a real man - the life-blood of his family. “Love for his wife as mother of their children and love for the children themselves are for the man the natural way of understanding and fulfilling his own fatherhood… the place and task of the father in and for the family is of unique and irreplaceable importance”(1).

In today’s society, human life and family life are under the constant threat of annihilation. Falsehood and relativism have become the norm. The basic concepts of real women and real men, motherhood, and fatherhood, have been distorted and misunderstood. Due to original sin and Satan’s efforts to destroy family life, “the world is peopled by walking wounded, broken men, who do not know how to be real men, and broken women, who have rejected everything that is feminine”(2).

In some cases there have been generations of inadequate fathering, a breakdown of God’s design and order for men, resulting in dysfunctional children and families.
There seem to be numerous scenarios. Some fathers do everything from changing diapers to praying with their children. Others do nothing. Some embrace their families and others have no relationships with their children. There seem to be two extremes, either no father present, or too many fathers. Some are absent because of a workaholic ethic, or abandonment of parental responsibilities. Others are not available due to alcoholic or drug related problems. Others are avoided by family members due to physical abuse or repeated put-downs. Fear, worthlessness, and gender confusion abound in the children, who hunt for a father image to love them, encourage them, teach them, and spend time with them.

In order for men to reclaim their manhood and fatherhood, they would do well to take a good look at three role models: God the Father, God the Son, Jesus Christ, and St. Joseph, the foster father of Jesus and husband of Mary. There must be a return to the father principle, with men once again shouldering the privilege of fatherly leadership as the head of the family, accepting their role as protectors, guardians, providers, and educators. There is a real need to rediscover and return to God’s vision of who they are, to live out their vocation of manhood and fatherhood. “.... it is in God, the source of all fatherhood, it is in his way of acting with men, which is revealed to us in Sacred Scripture, that you can find the model of a fatherhood capable of making a positive impression on the educational process of your children, not smothering their spontaneity on the one hand, nor abandoning their still immature personality to the traumatizing experiences of insecurity and loneliness on the other”(3).

Divine fatherhood is depicted in the Scriptures when we are shown God as creating, fathering, and caring for the universe and His creatures: “God created man in His own image…” (Gen 1:27-28). “As a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you” (Deut 8:5). God’s fatherhood is especially evident in His relationship with His Son who called Him: “Abba, Father” (Rom 8:15). From our Catholic perspective, from the time of Christ, we are shown that our relationship with God is that of a Father with His children. True fathers must themselves live a life of love, discipline, and obedience to the Father of fathers before they can teach or expect it in their families. “A father must be strong enough to allow the rest of the family to lean on him. Since God the Father is love, mercy, and tenderness, so man must possess these virtues in a great measure. His very virility is always expressed in that love, that tenderness, that mercy, and that understanding”(4).

It is through Jesus Christ, the Son, that fatherhood is extended to us. We can only go to the Father through Christ, our sole Mediator. We are called through Christ to be adopted children, sons and daughters of God, ‘Our Father’. The risen Christ instructed us about this basic truth: “I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God”. (Jn 10:17). We are through Christ, by Baptism, by the spirit of our adoption: “all sons of God” (Gal 3:26). The Father is to be approached through Christ: “If you know me then you will also know my Father” (Jn 14:7). Fathers are challenged to follow and imitate Christ’s actions: “By example, a father preaches his loudest sermons and teaches his greatest lessons. It is from his own tender, responsible actions that his children learn the heart and the art of loving”(5).

St. Joseph, the foster father of Jesus, is a model of true fatherhood. He was not a biological father but exemplified the love and responsibility that a father should have for the moral, physical, and spiritual well-being of others. He showed and continues to show great concern and solicitude for all who are in need. This was revealed in his attitude and treatment to shield Mary, a virgin and his betrothed, from scandal when he found before they came to live together, that she was with child: “wanting to spare her publicity decided to divorce her informally…” (Matt 1: 19-20). This same responsibility was shown in protecting the life of his Son by fleeing into Egypt with his family when warned by an angel: “Joseph got up and taking the child and his mother left that night for Egypt” (Matt 2:13-14). This same concern was evident in the reaction of Mary and Joseph when they found Jesus in the Temple after looking for him for three days: “Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety” (Lk 2:48).

True fatherhood challenges men to fulfill their greatest obligations, to love unconditionally, to will the good of the other, without expecting a return, sacrificing the self for the family and for the other. A father’s love is like that of Christ: “We are to love, then, because He loved us first” (1 Jn 4:19). This means following the pattern of Christ’s love, dying willingly on the Cross to give us eternal life, and to give life to His new life: “Whoever remains in me… bears fruit in plenty” (Jn 15:5). “Fatherhood is responsibility for life: for the child first conceived in the woman’s womb and then born, in order that a new man, who is blood of your blood and flesh of your flesh, may be revealed”(6). +

(1) John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II, Nov. 22, 1981, No. 25.

(2) Deacon Dr. Robert McDonald,The Catholic Family, Image and Likeness of God, Queenship Publishing p. 13.
(3) Christopher de Vink, “Pope John Paul II, Homily, March 19, 1981”, Fathering, Madonna House Publications, 2000, p. 18.

(4) Catherine Doherty, Dearly Beloved, Vol. 1, Madonna House Publications, 1989.

(5) Catherine Doherty, Dear Father, Madonna House Publications, 2001.

(6) Pope John Paul II, Homily, March 19, 1981, Fathering, Madonna House Publications, 2000.

“Above all, the common outcry, which is justly made on behalf of human rights - for example, the right to health, to home, to work, to family, to culture - is false and illusory if the right to life, the most basic and fundamental right and the condition for all other personal rights, is not defended with maximum determination”.
(Pope John Paul II,
Christifideles Laici, 1988).

VOTE
PRO-LIFE

PRIESTS FOR LIFE CANADA SUPPORTS EFFORT TO BRING THE IMAGE OF OUR LADY OF GUADALUPE (Patroness of Priests for Life Canada) TO PARISHES IN EASTERN ONTARIO

Through the efforts of Tim Dooling, a resident of Ottawa, Ontario, The Missionary Image of Our Lady of Guadalupe will be travelling to parishes in the Eastern Ontario area between May 3, 2004 and June 26, 2004.

The Image has visited over 1,000 parishes in every state of the U.S.A., Canada, and many other countries. There have been thousands of Masses, Confessions, Hours of Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament and Rosaries said in the presence of The Image. Many abortions have been averted and at least twenty abortuaries have been closed through Our Lady of Guadalupe's intercession. The Irish clergy credit the voting down of a proposed Constitutional amendment to “legalize” abortion in Ireland to her intercession.

If you live in Eastern Ontario (Diocese of Ottawa, Pembroke, Alexandria-Cornwall and Kingston), we ask you to encourage your pastor to consider taking part in this worthwhile pro-life effort. Preparations need not be elaborate - just start either with a Mass, or with simple exposition of The Image, the praying of the Rosary as the pastor might prescribe, and if possible, the simultaneous exposition of The Blessed Sacrament during the viewing of The Image. Two persons should be with The Image at all times to protect it, and to wipe it off if people wish to kiss or touch it. The viewing could be for a few hours or for a 24-hour period as local conditions may allow.

Displaying The Image in some of the schools as well, for a short period of time, would also be beneficial, as young people are essential in the battle against abortion. It is also requested that a basket for donations be placed in the vicinity of The Image, where people can help defray the costs of this large undertaking, a program by the U.S. sponsoring organization, The Missionary Image of Our Lady of Guadalupe (see www.jkmi.com/ mivisits.htm).
Clergy can be assured that this should not be time-consuming for the parish priest. Transportation and care of The Image will be arranged by the Guardian of The Image, Tim Dooling.

Our Holy Father, Pope John Paul II, spoke of Our Lady of Guadalupe as being “the first evangelizer of the Americas” and said that Mary is “the star of the new evangelization”. We ask you to seriously consider having The Image come to your parish during its tour. By request, Fr. Jim Whalen, National Director of Priests for Life Canada, is available to preach at some of these visits.

Should your parish be able to host The Missionary Image of Our Lady of Guadalupe, please contact the following for further information: Tim Dooling, 611-945 Richmond Road, Ottawa, ON K2B 8B9; Telephone: (613) 722-9594; E-mail: el014@ncf.ca.

Christian fathering must be a practical, creative, and saving action to be pro-life. It means that making a lifetime commitment, a covenant with God and a woman, in the Sacrament of Marriage, is a necessary condition for the fulfillment of the Creator’s plan for family life. The alternative, simply living together, without God as part of the relationship, does not foster the freedom, openness. or trust that results from the promised fidelity of a husband and a wife, who are called to the vocation of Christian fatherhood and Christian motherhood. Children are one of their greatest blessings - new persons brought into existence by the sharing of the father and mother in the creative activity of God. The father and mother procreate on behalf of God, bringing forth children destined for resurrection and eternity. They receive a special privilege in sharing in God’s own creation of new lives that even the angels do not partake in. “Every person’s genealogy is rooted in the eternal. In conceiving a child, parents are acting as God’s co-workers”. (Pope John Paul II, Angelus Message, Feb. 6, 1994, Fathering, p. 14).

In choosing Christian fatherhood a man makes a spiritual and practical choice to live within the Sacrament of Marriage, living in intimacy with his wife and with God, while at the same time creating a home for his family, and building a civilization of love. Christian family life, home life, is to reflect the mutual love and respect of the father, mother, and children. It means the establishment a certain stability, a rightly ordered manner of living, of fostering and transmitting human life worked out by parents based on following the example and teachings of Christ and Holy Mother the Church. Families need their fathers’ love, willing the good of all under their care, being present for others and allowing others to be present to them. It is crucial that Christian homes are centres of love - domestic churches that form the nucleus for building a Christian civilization of love.

Children need loving attentive fathers for all the years of their growth. This means accepting and loving children without qualification, providing them with a security in which they can grow free from fear, hatred, and violence.

“A child in his earliest years will know only one thing: whether or not he is loved” (Head of the Family, p. 29). It means a daily practice of martyrdom for fathers. They must love without a thought of return, patterned after Christ’s love, the one who loved us first. It means loving their children even when they seem to act like enemies: interrupting their conversations, distracting them in their prayer life or screaming and causing chaos without warning. “A good father is willing to submerge his own needs, to sit down, listen to their ideas and dreams and give them the wisdom of his gentle direction. He is a loving example of his own wisdom. He knows how to play with them, to have fun, to let them jump all over him even if he is tired” (The Catholic Family, p. 26). It means also that a father must forgive them countless times for disobeying, for not listening, for doing the opposite of what they are asked to do. The father needs to be patient, being consistent in correcting, being available and loving unconditionally. The father must be a man of service, one who knows how to be affectionate and tender, yet ready to correct or discipline when necessary. Indifference, overindulgence or tyranny on the part of parents often leads to resentment in children. Direction and training are an integral part of raising children. “It is the kind father who is quick to discipline… the man who exercises his authority who is a friend of his child” (Head of the Family, p. 49).

Catholic pro-life fathering is one in which the Eucharist has an essential and principal role as the primary source of grace and spiritual life. It is the traditional and most efficacious way a family can praise, thank, and petition God, and offer themselves and their lives to their heavenly Father in union with the Holy Sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ. It is important for the father to cultivate a spirit of reverence of the Mass in children by fostering a prayerful and attentive attitude beginning at home, using preparation exercises and common sense. It is helpful to create a merit system based on acceptable and unacceptable behaviour with appropriate rewards. Efforts should be made to make sure that the rewards are associated with affectionate and attentive responses from the parents in the Church proper. It is a time of religious instruction for the father and mother as well: pointing out moments of special significance; giving short explanations at key parts of the Mass; bringing the children along when going to receive Holy Communion. The father who frequents Mass, daily if possible, with his wife and children, through his example, teaches his children that the Mass is a priority, of great importance to his life and should be for them as well. “Good example is the most efficacious apostolate. You must be a lighted lantern and shine like brilliant chandeliers among men. By your example, and your words, animate others to know and love God” (St. Mary Joseph Rossello, Fathering, p. 35).

The father should try to lead family prayer, mornings and evenings, and before and after meals when possible. In this way, he helps create an environment, an atmosphere, reinforcing his and their personal need for prayer, demonstrating an active Christian life, centered on God. The time before children go to bed is especially effective for sharing and enacting Bible stories. They love to learn about the Holy Family, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph in their everyday lives. The religious atmosphere should be one in which being counts more than doing, in which living the life of Christ is the standard that is held above all else. Deeds, rather than words, should set the tone for the family sanctuary. Building up family traditions and rituals, sharing and the celebrating in the rhythms of liturgical Church life can help to focus on the real meaning of the seasons (e.g.: Christ’s birth: Christmas; Christ’s Resurrection: Easter). A paternal blessing with Holy Water, followed by a brief prayer to the guardian angel or patron saint, before tucking the children into bed for the night is a practice well worth the time and effort. In such an action, the father is blessed by recognizing these responsibilities as a channel of grace for his children. The children are bonded to the Father by their fathers: “The child who goes to bed with the touch of the father’s hands upon his head and words of the father’s blessing still fresh in his ears is a child secure in the knowledge of the love not only of an earthly father, but of the Father in heaven” (Head of the Family, p. 69). Children are to be raised as holy dwelling places for God’s presence on earth, by their father and mother.

Children today are often formed by the mass media of television, movies and the Internet, with their peer group being the next strongest influence. To counteract any negative influences, fathers and mothers must strive to be a positive influence in the home, accepting the responsibility that they are the primary teachers in education and faith. Every opportunity should be taken advantage of to answer the many, many questions that children ask their fathers, using these occasions to promote their spiritual and moral growth. Training children in the use of ‘free will’ will help them towards independence of action and replace negative harmful practices with positive Christian ones, preparing to cope with the real world. The responsibility to raise correctly a new life for God in wisdom and holiness is one of the main tasks of a father. It is possible only if he is a man of faith, hope, and love, living according to the standard of Christ - the unity of His Cross and Resurrection.

One of the primary duties of a father is to provide for the welfare of his family. This is both a material and spiritual duty. The greatest gift fathers give their children is love, for love is the gift of themselves. Fathers must get their priorities straight. “Do not labour for the food which perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life” (Jn 6:27). Bread on the table is fine but the true Bread from Heaven gives us eternal life.

The present anti-life values in our society create great challenges for today’s fathers and families. It promotes a relativism and secularism that attacks religion through a death culture. Through Christian fathers, God brings more love into the world, more saints. The practical pro-life fatherhood as one author describes it “is the crown of manhood, the insignia of a man’s maturity” (Head of the family), p. xv). +

Bibliography and Recommended Reading:

Clayton C. Barbeau, Head of the Family, Sophia Press, 1990, pp. 131.

Deacon Dr. Bob McDonald, The Catholic Family: Image and Likeness of God, Vol 1, Queenship Publishing Co., 1999, pp. 226.

Christopher de Vink, Fathering, Madonna House Publications, 2000, pp. 49.

Name of your MP, House of Commons
Ottawa, ON K1A 0A6

The Honourable Irwin Cotler, Minister of Justice and Attorney General
284 Wellington, Ottawa, ON K1A OH8

The Right Honourable Paul Martin, Prime Minister of Canada
House of Commons, Ottawa, ON K1A 0A6
Email: pm@pm.gc.ca
----------------------------------------------------------

In the past, mailings have been sent to supporters four times per year. In addition to the ‘Priests for Life, Canada’ newsletter, sample copies of both the ‘Catholic Life and Family’ and ‘The Facts for Life’ have been sent. In response to requests from members, and with the additional support provided by our new Ottawa Pro-Life Centre, mailings will now be increased to six times per year as follows:

Fifth Annual Priests for Life Canada Symposium: Special Guest: Archbishop (Emeritus) Adam Exner, OMI - Saturday, September 17, 2004, Senhor Christo Church, 1100 Kenaston St., Ottawa, ON. See elsewhere in this publication for details.

Priests for Life Canada - International Perpetual Rosary for Life: If you can pray the Holy Rosary once a day or even once a week, at a scheduled time, please send us your name, address and time of prayer and join others in perpetual prayer for life. We only ask that you do your best to keep the schedule.
For more information, see:
www.webhart.net/vandee/rosary.htm

TRUE FATHERHOOD

by Fr. Jim Whalen

LIFE SUSTAINING TREATMENTS AND
VEGETATIVE STATE:
SCIENTIFIC ADVANCES AND ETHICAL DILEMMAS

Pope John Paul II

PRIESTS FOR LIFE CANADA
5th ANNUAL SYMPOSIUM ON

CULTURAL HEALING AND PRO-LIFE ISSUES

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2004 - 9 a.m - 6 p.m.
Senhor Sancto Christo Church
1100 Kenaston Street, Ottawa, Ontario

Registration:

Members: $35 / Non-members: $40.00
Clergy/Students: $25.00
Seminarians: Free

(includes Luncheon Banquet)

TRUE FATHERHOOD

by Fr. Jim Whalen

LIFE SUSTAINING TREATMENTS AND VEGETATIVE STATE: SCIENTIFIC ADVANCES AND ETHICAL DILEMMAS